


The door we left open of Apartment 602

by moonfox281



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Feels, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, NO CAPES, Other, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, domestic life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-21 14:39:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15559968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonfox281/pseuds/moonfox281
Summary: I remembered the face you made when you looked at the rain, the way you held my hand and let me heal, the way you slept, the way you sang.I remembered watching you choose our track, the way you danced next to our 30-year-old record player, the way you curled next by my side.I remembered you smelled like flower and tea, like the one you drank, and sometimes like the rain of this city, the city we both shouldn’t love but still we did.___________________________________________________________________________________________________The story of their love, here, in this one space apartment.





	The door we left open of Apartment 602

 

They first met on a train. Dick recognized his bomber with their university’s name branded on the back and the sigil on the front. He was on the phone at that time, handsome face careless of the surrounding space. Their eyes met coincidentally, unlike most people he stared right back at Dick, arching an eyebrow as if to ask. “What are you looking at?”

Dick showed him his shirt, the words “Hudson University” inked large and proud in the middle of his chest, and he immediately grinned back.

That was the story of how they had met, pure serendipity, so simple, so easy, and then they realized it wasn’t at all, first the train, then the same classes, then the same level of the dorms. It was like fate. Jason wondered why he had never noticed him before, a perfect face standing out among thousands.

The shared trains and classes, which soon escalated to talks over coffee, then chatty walks to the rooms, then before either of them could even realized, Jason had casually grown a habit of staring at Dick’s face every time he laughed, and Dick too, he didn’t know when he had started enjoying the sight of Jason with his crimson guitar.

“Yo, do you have any white T-shirts?” Jason popped his head inside the room, half naked, the red jogger pants hanging loosely around his sculpted hips, exposing the line of his black underwear.

Dick tried his best to look away and scrambled to pick up the pen he had mindlessly dropped the moment he caught a glimpse of Jason’s abs. Heat coated his face, and he pretended like the book was more interesting than the Adonis leaning on his doorframe.

Through a short time they had gotten along enough to casually come over to each other’s places for stuff like borrowing textbooks, shampoo, or just to share things like food or video games.

“Have… have you checked the wardrobe?” He spluttered, eyes looking anywhere but Jason. Dick had always known Jason was a buff guy, at 6’4 and arms the size of freaking footballs, he was born to be an athlete, or maybe a bodybuilder. Next to him, at 5’10, not too short, but not too tall, Dick felt like an ant.

“Checking now. Damn, do you have anything not blue in here?” Jason laughed, ducking his head into Dick’s wardrobe. Dick turned back to look out of curiosity, and immediately rolled his chair back, face flushing red like a cherry.

Jason let the thought of Dick’s many oversize clothes outside his head, and continued looking. Dick’s taste in fashion was simple and basic, very manly and college suitable. But again, with a face like that, Jason doubted he had ever had to dress up to draw attention.

“What’s wrong with your other shirts?” Dick asked.

“All dyed pink now. My stupid roommate washed the bunch with my red pants, and I kinda need one for the volunteer campaign right now.”

Right, Dick remembered Jason’s taste always tended to lean toward black or red. He looked down at his shirt, the basic white tee that was two sizes bigger than his usual, then started stripping.

“Wow, hey…” Before Jason could finish, Dick threw the shirt at his face.

“You can have it. Don’t dye it pink though, I kinda like that one.” Dick grinned, lips rolled up to show all of his perfect white teeth. Jason wondered about Dick’s profile, with his teeth even and in place like they had been frequently cared for by professional hands, despite his carefree look, Dick seemed to come from a decent household.

Jason stood there next to Dick’s bed, and watched his naked half exposed to the sunlight. Just another clueless college student, Dick usually described himself. With ripped abs and skin of bronze, eyes of the sea and smile of the sun, Jason did not believe an ounce of that statement.

Dick watched Jason pull his shirt on, and immediately realized it was perfect for him. The thing that always draped over Dick like a loose cover, now hugged onto Jason’s every inch of skin like another layer. He made Dick envious somehow, even though Dick worked hard for his body.

“It suits you.”

Jason grinned wolfishly. “You think so?”

They stared at each other, Dick watching Jason in his shirt, and Jason watching Dick’s half-naked form. They didn’t know who started first, it was like a force of nature, one second ago they were still giving each other awkward gazes, and the next, Dick had Jason beneath him on the mattress, Jason’s big palm spread on the small of his back, pushing them flush together.

Dick didn’t know why up on Jason, he still felt ashamed and overpowered. Maybe it was because of the fact that Jason could push him down at any time but still let him be there, or of him grinning at Dick like he had waited forever for this. When big hands suddenly groped his ass and squeezed, Dick hazily realized maybe it was little of both.

Jason held onto him, his waist swallowed in the hold of his hands. So small, Jason thought to himself. As his lips traced the side of that graceful neck, Jason felt bits and pieces of his control fall apart.

It was quick, so quick he wished it had lasted longer. They just rutted against each other, not even a kiss was exchanged. Dick sweated and panted above him, eyes hazy, mouth agape. He stared down at Jason, with his chest heaving up and down, sweat rolling off the side of his sculpted face, hair slicked back and eyes like the sky, Dick realized this was one beautiful picture he never thought he would one day see. He swallowed, and let the thought of what the hell they had done bang in the back of his skull.

 

* * *

 

 

“602?”

Dick asked and chugged down another cup of coffee. Three hours to the presentation, and he hadn’t gotten any sleep in the last 38 hours. Dick hated random team projects like this, he somehow always got signed up with people that thought that just because he had the ability keep his GPA above 3.5 meant that he could handle four people’s work in a whole project. Lazy assholes, but their grades affected Dick’s grade too.

“Yep, my roommate will be leaving next week. I remember you said something about moving.”

He remembered correctly, Dick couldn’t get along with his roommate’s mess. The guy came back drunk at 3 AM five days out of seven, his clothes were always on the floor of their tiny space, his things littered the bathroom, and he always borrowed Dick’s clothes. Dick would never call himself tidy but put two messes together and suddenly he had to be the responsible one.

“So, only a train away to the university, there’s a convenience store and a supermarket next to it. What do you say?”

Dick bit the end of his pen and watched Jason put on his shirt and light a cigarette.

“Let me think about it.”

Jason pretended like he was looking for the other sock, half looking back over his shoulder to see Dick naked on _his_ bed, nose buried in the book. He waited, and waited.

“Dick,”

“Hm?” He turned back.

“Running back and forth from my room and yours is troublesome.”

The roommates were the main problem, but Jason couldn’t help but think of the time they slipped into each other’s rooms when there was no one around, sneaky like petty thieves. It would have been better if their one time make out didn’t turn into multiple times. But that wasn’t how it happened, and they just couldn’t stop.

 

The day they arrived at the place, it looked nothing like Dick’s imagination. A studio, with a window on one side and naked brick walls hugging the whole place. It was bigger than Dick had imagined, and he looked around wondering how they could possibly fit two grown men into this one space.

“No walls, one bed? What happens if we fight?” Dick had asked, half teasing, half serious. And then Jason had huffed like he was talking to a child.

“Relax, we’re not a couple. It should be fine.”

Dick had laughed, had felt something bite the inside of his chest that made it jolt with a tingle pain. He told himself it should be fine.

Then weeks, and months, then seasons passed by, and now Dick forgot how this place had first looked before it became their den, a place where two men shared space, time, food, and occasionally, pleasure.

 

“Hey, are you still in bed?”

Not even an answer, but by the sound of the rustling sheet and a soft yawn somewhere away from the speaker, Jason could figure.

“It’s close to noon, bastard. Wake the hell up, and remember to change the covers. I have a class this afternoon, remember to eat something.”

“Okay.” Dick grumbled, voice hoarse and heavy from sleep. Jason could immediately imagine his face, with cheeks puffy, lids swollen and hair standing up in all different directions, curling deep into a roll in the wrap of the comforter.

With his phone sandwiched between his neck and shoulder, Jason glanced at the rag. He realized the album of the brand Dick occasionally listened to had been released.

“Hey, Dick.”

“Hum?”

“It’s Vancouver Sleep Clinic, right?”

Even in the silence, he could read Dick’s grin, his voiceless snicker that sounded like morning droplets falling on leaves after a foggy night. “It’s Vancouver Sleep Clinic. You’re at the records store now?”

“Yeah, went to grab some new stuff… Oh hey, they got a vinyl record! Yo bitch, outa my way, you can kiss your boyfriend somewhere else, this is where art is appreciated.”

Dick laughed and rolled out of bed, could practically imagine Jason’s huge body mass dashing over people to get to the vinyl record section, could imagine his shirt rolled up showing off his biceps, and whoever he had insulted before didn’t have the guts to argue back with him. Who would though, Jason had always looked like tempting trouble.

“Remember when I told you the record player you got from that garage sale was a piece of useless spacious antique junk? I take that back, there’s a lot of dope records here. Damn.”

Dick laughed and took a look over at the black record player next to their window. The moment he got it back from the garage sale, Jason and Dick had fought over keeping or getting rid of it for a whole damn week _. “You ancient nerd.”_ Jason had always called him every time Dick took the oil and rag out to clean it.

Dick had always loved that record player, it reminded him of a better time, when people lived less complicated lives. Bruce had one of them in the guest room, and Dick grew up listening to classic records of piano and jazz and the ballad of the age when they were first born. It was probably why he got the machine in the first place, it reminded him of the Manor, of lonely mornings with nothing or no one to befriend.

When the sunlight draped over the record player, Dick smiled and watched the thing shine, waiting for Jason to come back.

 

* * *

 

 

When Jason pulled off his headphones, Dick had already been watching him. He smiled, and handed Jason the mug of tea. One sip, and Jason’s face crunched. Chamomile and honey, Dick’s favorite, but not his cup of tea, no pun intended.  

“You’ve got it again.” Dick stretched out on the couch, his head falling to rest on the sheet.

“Yeah, something… more like a part of something.”

It had always been like that, inspiration came and went like a random wind. He touched the strings, tested the stretch, and fixed the tuning. Dick watched him, head resting on the fold of his arms, his hair falling down, framing those great blue eyes.

Just by looking at him, another note or two popped in Jason’s mind. If he could write a line, it would be about those eyes.

Every time he practiced, Dick always wandered around, watching. Like a cat filled with half curiosity, half laziness, he curled himself on the couch and closed his eyes, humming and listening to everything Jason’s hands could bring him, melody he perfectly remembered, but sometimes broken notes, mismatched lines, crippled music. But Dick never complained.

 “How long have you been working on this?” Dick glanced at the papers littered around Jason, watched the way his long fingers danced on the strings of his crimson red guitar. He liked watching him, the face he made when he created melodies. His eyes closed sometimes, his brows lightly frowning when he tried to get the feel right, his hands moving on their own. When they first moved in, they were still shy of each other, Jason only played songs he had practiced, and Dick would always give compliments and awkwardly smiled at every wrong note.

After a year, now every time Jason played, only music filled the air, their existence lazily tangled with each other in the comfy silence, drowning. Jason and his music, Dick and the sight of Jason with his music.

“It was supposed to be done last month.” Jason rubbed a hand over his face. He felt Dick’s warmth behind him, calming and soft like some sort of healing animal. Maybe Dick was his healing animal. He could never stress out for too long around this guy.

“Argh, I got a note wrong.”

Dick’s laugh was like a wind chime, with head cocked to the side, another raven lock fell across his eye. “It’s okay, I like whatever you play anyway.”

With hair of the night and eyes of the stars, stars that came from heaven or way deep down in the ocean, his smile blinding like the sun of a 100 hundred degree day, Dick appeared in Jason’s eyes like a beautiful melody, so close and lively he could just write it down.

“Hey,” He called, staring at those electric blue gems and pulling Dick’s hand out beneath him. “I’m hard,” He pressed Dick’s palm on his groin and watched his eyes widened. “Let’s fuck.”

 

They tumbled to the bed, a tangled mess of two grown men trying to get to every inch of each other. Dick choked when Jason’s giant body landed on him, then lips were immediately found. They kissed like they were fighting, aggressive, but at the same time, teasing. Dick bit Jason’s lips, pulling and grinning like a mischievous cat. Jason grabbed onto him, turning him and attacking his neck like a mad man. Despite whatever shit Dick gave Jason about hickeys and appearances, he had never given a shit.

Their clothes were discarded in a matter of seconds, bits and items flying off the bed and onto the ground as they both wrestled for dominance. It was like a game for them every time. They both knew how it would end, but it never stopped them from playing anyway.

“Lube.” Jason grunted, voice heavy and rumbled deep out from his throat. Dick shivered when he heard it so close to his ear. Despite his demanding attitude, Jason snatched the bottle out from the dresser himself.

It was always a rush, every time. Everything happened way faster than Dick would normally like, but that was how things worked with Jason. He was like a storm, an earth quaking storm, an unstoppable force of nature that just twisted Dick along with the wreck of his power.

Dick hissed when cold lubed coated fingers tested him. Like a kitten that had fallen into the water, he shivered and clung to Jason’s shoulders, did everything but nothing to stop him. Jason laughed and watched the way those pretty blues squeeze shut when he went in too deep, watched the way those petal lips parted to pant like an invitation.

He wanted to bite those lips, wanted to kiss those eyes.

“Is it too dry?” Jason asked, thrusting in hard, half to test and half to tease.

Dick whined, face buried into the pillow that was definitely Jason’s, shaking his head as he felt tears starting to shimmer around the corners of his eyes. He felt Jason lining up, felt his size slowly stretching him open. It was always bittersweet, half painful, half mind-blowing pleasure. Like the rest of himself, Jason was huge, everything of him big and powerful, making most men nervous and weak. Dick bit on the pillow and let the pain and pleasure simmer in and out of his body.

“Ha, you’re always so fucking tight.” He growled like an animal, lips crooked into a wolfish smirk. The more he leaned into Dick, the deeper he went. He laughed when Dick’s breath hitched and broke apart. “Look at you.” 

There was no waiting, no patience, they fucked like there was no tomorrow, rushed and bordering on desperate. Dick twisted and whimpered, saliva pooling where he was biting on the pillow, his body opened for Jason, just enough to let him in, and more than enough to blow his mind. He always felt amazing, no matter how many times they had done this, it still felt like the first time.

“More lube, please…” Dick panted, eyes glassy like ocean gems. Jason could get lost in those eyes for hours and still it wouldn’t be enough.

It would never be enough, no matter how many times they did it, it wouldn’t be enough.

“Jason…” Dick pleaded, hands twisted in with the sheet.

“No,” Another thrust, another cry. “We won’t need it.”

Wet, inside and out, with lube coating his insides and tears rolling on his skin, his lips shiny with saliva, bright red from when he bit them. Jason wanted to make him even wetter.

 

* * *

 

 

“And then he said: “Your music is shit!”, so it was like the guy was begging for it, and the chair just happened to be _right there_.”

Dick laughed, snorting water out through his nose and continued laughing until his eyes watered and half of the diner had turned back to look at him. Jason threw a fry at him, which only worsened the situation, and couldn’t help but be shaken by chuckles when Dick heaved and sighed.

Three days out of seven, they would find themselves devouring greasy food, enjoying cheat days, having silly talks or simple grumbling about work and school in a local family diner, only two blocks away, with seats always half empty and food never half bad.

Jason watched Dick munch on his burger with a half smirk, watching how his eyes rolled back and cheeks puff with happiness, then continued, sipping on his milkshake. “Anyway, that was how I quit. Never went along with those guys but they were good, really good, it was such a shame. They disbanded a month after I left, nothing they could do without a bassist in the end.”

Dick laughed. “You would get along with a friend of mine. He’s a drummer and has quite the temper when somebody insults his music.”

Jason spat out his milkshake, spilling some on his shirt, while he coughed, damn. “You know a drummer?”

Dick’s eyes went innocently huge. He watched Jason struggle to get his breathing back, swallowing the burger down nervously. “Ye..yeah?!”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“You didn’t ask?!” Dick chirped, voice small like he was afraid Jason might eat him alive.

 

In the end, it didn’t take much convincing to get Roy hooked. Dick was barely saying he knew a guy that could play guitar, and Roy all but jumped and yelled. “I’m in!”

The next day, Roy came by himself without even a phone call to ask for direction. Jason had gone to answer the door, and the redhead hadn’t stopped wriggling his brows at Dick since then.

“Your place is dope.” Roy said with a grin to Jason, throwing Dick a weird glance over his shoulder.

 Dick just rolled his eyes. “I’ll go get you something.”

When Dick went in the kitchen, Roy eyed the crimson red guitar, eyes glowing then huffed. That was how Jason knew this guy would work with him fine. They didn’t talk much, two burning cigarettes by the open window, a few artist names, and two calloused hands shaking each other’s, everything clicked like puzzle pieces.

Half an hour after meeting each other and Roy Harper already felt like a long-lost friend from childhood.

“How long have you known Dick?”

Roy huffed, and sucked on his cigarette. “Too long. He used to be such a cute kid.”

He laughed to himself, and when he turned back, Jason wondered what kind of expression he was expecting from Jason for his smile to turn stoic like that. The guy glanced back to their bed, too quick, but enough for Jason to notice. One of Dick’s pillow had fallen to the floor again, always too many pillows, Jason wondered if he ever used all of them, when at night, he always rolled over and piled himself on Jason. Their comforter draped wrinkly over the messy sheets, half on the bed and half off it. Dick was the last one to wake up today, again.

“One bed.” Roy said, eyes looking outside and to the smoke he blew out.

“We’re not like that.”

Roy huffed, and laughed. “Is that so? People usually think differently. One studio with no walls, one bed with too many pillows, I’d say either you live alone, or live with someone special.”

Something simmered down in the pit of his stomach, but everything had been so good Jason didn’t want to ruin it. “It just comes along. Beneficial, mostly.”

Another laugh, but this time Jason had a feeling it wasn’t directed to him. Roy dropped his cigarette, and hung his head low to watch it fall.

“I’m sorry then.”

Jason didn’t know why the man was apologizing, but suddenly, he found himself afraid of knowing. He turned his head back, and found Dick leaning on the pillar not too far away, watching them with emotionless eyes and a white mug of tea in his hand.   

 

* * *

 

 

“Why do I have a feeling I’m more invested in this than you are?”

Dick looked down at his feet. The cuckoo bird on Ms. Lance’s weird clock was doing its thing again, poking down the wooden pot next to it to mimic the action of getting water. Dick found it ridiculous and wondered who had given this stupid thing as a gift for a person as cool headed and serious as Ms. Lance to display like this.

“Dick, are you listening to me?”

Dick jolted up. Staring at him, Ms. Lance’s face didn’t show an inch of expression. Dick nervously switched his target to her cup of coffee. 

“Dick,” She sighed, slumping down in the chair. She turned it, facing away for a moment before looking back at him. “This is a really big opportunity. I don’t even know why you’re hesitating, things like this only happen once in a life time.”

Dick bit his lip, counting the dots on her shirt, then finally, finally, looked up into her eyes. “I’m not hesitating. I’m just… thinking.”

She huffed, brows twisted and frowning like she couldn’t believe it. She shook her head until she reached for his shoulder. “Honey, this is a once in a life time chance. With your result now, things have already been well set. It’s all up to you.”

Dick didn’t even know why she was this insistent, didn’t know what he had done to get this strong fine woman to put so much there out to care for a person like him. He knew what was on her mind, but he knew what he had said. He wasn’t hesitating, the decision had been set the moment he got a grip of what had happen. He was just thinking, not about what he had to do, but about what would happen after he did what he had to do.

 

The moment he came back, despite the empty room, he knew Jason was home. His boots lay wet by the step, it wasn’t raining when Dick got back, but it had earlier. Dick closed his eyes, and just stood there. He knew one, two steps more, and he would see Jason standing by the window, earbuds in and a burning cigarette in his hand. His crimson guitar rested on the floor by their couch with papers littered around, a pack of Camels on the table, open and half empty, a mug of still steaming coffee, pure black because the sun was still out, and he liked it bitter.

After three years of living together, they knew everything of each other.

 

“How was it?” Jason grinned, bare feet tapping silently on the floor. Despite his large form, he knew how to move fluently.

“The usual.” Dick took off his backpack and threw himself on the couch, eyes half glancing down at the guitar beneath his feet. The thing glowed healthily under the light, Jason loved and cared for it like his own child. And to Dick, the thing had always felt like a part of Jason.

“You mean usual boring, or usual fine?”

Dick glared at him, his lips couldn’t help but crook up when Jason grinned back. He wriggled off his jacket, slumping himself deeper into the couch, belt undone and the collar of the oversize shirt slipping off his shoulder, his hand lazily grabbed the remote to check the channel. Jason wondered what it was about this half assed image of Dick that sucked him in and kept him from looking away. But that was how it had always been, how Dick had always been, irresistible. Like the first time they did it, Jason hadn’t expected himself to constantly crawl back to get a hold on that tanned skin like an addict.

“I want some tea.”

His eyes were on the screen, so he didn’t notice how Jason watched his lips murmur. His hair had gotten longer again, falling off the crease behind his ears, teasingly brushing his nape. Popping a gum or two into his mouth, Jason’s feet had already led him into the kitchen when he groaned. “Go make it yourself.”

“Chamomile and honey!” Dick yelled back, voice filled with laughter.

“Brat.”

“Asshole.”

Outside, it had started raining again. Droplets tapped on the window, rustling sounds of Dick searching for a vinyl in their record rag, the steam screamed through the outlet of the kettle, a song had already been playing. And despite their insults, they both laughed.

 

* * *

 

 

The moment they heard the gunshot, Jason shot up, comforter tossed off half of his legs as he struggled to regain his breathing. Dick got up, slowly, soothing a hand down that sweaty back and not saying a word. His hand trailed down and down, until they were holding hands, and Jason shook and squeezed onto Dick tightly enough to make him flinch.

He let it go though, Dick always let it go, never pushed nor asked anything. Like the first month they moved in together and Jason sprang himself off the bed after a gunshot was heard from afar, and Dick did nothing but stayed up all night holding his hand and staying silent until Jason calmed down and drifted off to sleep, and then the next morning, they came back to normal like nothing had happened.

He never questioned, and that was probably why Jason found himself more than comfortable being next to him. _“We all have our demons.”_ He said, and right in the first years, Jason had slowly let out all the cracks about his past on the streets and insecurities to Dick like an unknown habit. Since when, he couldn’t remember, but he remembered rainy days or post-orgasm nights that started with “Do you know…?” or “I used to…”

It was just that simple, but it worked. Now, Jason found himself sleeping easier than ever, next to the familiar shape of Dick Grayson.

It was pouring again out there in Gotham where the gunshot was fired, who knew what the hell could happen, but in here, in the darkness of their apartment, next to Dick’s warm body, with his smaller hand swallowed in his hold, it felt like they were in their own world.

“You okay?” He asked, eyes glowing in the dark the way eyes should be able to do. Blue, those sapphire blues, like the bottomless ocean, like great heaven and sunset sky. They hypnotized Jason, they always hypnotized Jason.

“Maybe we sho‒Wah!”

Dick flopped down on the mattress like a rag doll, and before he could say anything else, there were lips on his, chapped and rough and brutal. Hands went down his body, lifted his leg up, lifted the small of his back up, forced him to arch off the bed. He felt something hard nudge at him, and in the lack of oxygen, his mind took a second to realize what it was.

Jason knew how to put a certain anger into the clothes, like their existence annoyed him. He ripped through the fabric like a barbarian, and the only reason Dick was letting this go was because he knew this wasn’t the time. In return, Dick would take one of Jason’s shirts to go to school tomorrow. Roy could laugh all he wanted, but Dick actually enjoyed burying himself in the hug of Jason’s bigger clothes.

Dick hissed like a prissy cat when a finger went in him, cold and big, why was everything of Jason’s so big?

“Be careful.” He snapped, but bit on his own tongue when Jason’s face lowered so close to his. He looked desperate, somehow, and how could Dick ever say no to those eyes, those icy eyes, they filled with heat and unspoken desires.

Instead of being careful, he pulled his underwear down and reviewed his erect cock, huge and intimidating. Jason appeared above him like a monster, Dick suddenly remembered the story adults told children about the monsters under their beds.

No, Dick’s monster lied on his bed, bedding him every night, gentle and hard, at the same time. And Dick let him, welcomed him even.

“Ja…ah… slow down!”

It only made him grin and grind his hips closer. Through each of Dick’s shaken breath and broken calls, Jason felt himself burn hotter. Harder, deeper, until he cried, until Jason’s name brand in his mind like a sinful tattoo.

Dick’s back shot off the bed and just like that, he felt something break inside him, felt the man reaching places that should be reached. Jason was not human, that was what he decided. His strength, his stamina, his everything, it drugged Dick and made him shiver for more.  

Jason laughed, fully aware it wasn’t such a nice thing to do while watching Dick like this. But damn… damn. If anyone else could see him now.

 

In the end, they did it three times without a break. Dick spread out on the sheet, heaving with a glistening chest like a Greek statue, toned abs and muscular arms displayed. Jason wondered if he had made all the girls he had dated squeal. And if he let his head swim further ahead, he wondered if it was himself then who would be screwing Dick, or who he would be screwing.

With a cigarette between his lips, he didn’t dare to light it up. Dick always cringed whenever he smoked inside, and tonight, tonight Jason felt like he had done enough to push him. If tomorrow one of his shirts went missing because of the one Jason had ripped off Dick’s body tonight, then it would still be fine. He, without daring to admit it, enjoyed the sight of Dick in his clothes.

 

On the table by the bed, Dick’s phone was buzzing again. The third time in a day, at this hour, it could only be one person.

They didn’t talk about it, Dick never asked about his problems, it was all Jason himself who spilled. This respectful boundary they shared, Jason bound himself by the line of it, hovering by the edge in desperation. It was the only reason Jason dangled the cigarette in his mouth, arm half draped over Dick who laid on his chest, and together, they listened to each other’s breathing in the heavy rain outside the window, with Dick’s phone buzzing on the bedside table.

They dropped off to sleep, knowing the next morning Jason would find everything still the same, like Dick in _his_ favorite white tee pouring himself a cup of chamomile tea then stretching out like a lazy cat right next to the window, like the familiar purring sound of the coffee machine preparing his pure black coffee because the sun was out, and the sound of another 90s vinyl playing on Dick’s 30 year old garage sale record player.

After 3 years of living together, they knew everything of each other, and yet, it still felt like Jason knew nothing of Dick Grayson.  

 

* * *

 

 

When Dick first sang, Jason dropped the pen he was holding in his mouth. A few lines, they said, it was just for fun, they said. Now Jason looked at him with eyes threatening to fall out, scandalously like a husband catching his wife cheating with his colleague, and Roy smiled idiotically in the background.

“What?” Dick said, he didn’t know why he was acting so sheepishly.

“What my ass, what the hell was that?” Jason threw the sheet music away and jumped over to Dick’s place, hands landed on his shoulders. Dick suddenly felt like he was about to be murdered. “Why didn’t you tell me you can do that?”

“Do what?”

“Sing, damn it! That was a really good balance, and you got all the notes right.” _And your voice, why was I so stupid I didn’t realize you would sound just as angelic outside the bed too?_ Jason didn’t say it, because he would still like his head to be attached to his neck, thank you very much.

Roy rolled in his seat, hadn’t stopped snickering since Dick put the sheet music down. “He used to be in the Royal Theater Junior Choir for 3 years. Favorite student of Ms. Prince, weren’t you?”

Dick rolled his eyes at Roy’s wriggling brows, then back at Jason. “It was a long time ago.”

Jason looked back at him, and Dick could see something had changed in his expression. He nodded, and muttered. “Should have told me.”

 _Would it matter?_ Dick held himself back from saying, because Roy was right there. Instead, he left Jason and Roy to their… practice, whatever they called it. Roy had been helping Jason with the song, it had been a while since he last touched his drum set, but the melody was still there, flowing in his mind and linked to a part of him.

 

_“I wanted to be a professional, one day.”_

_He said while draping himself on the bed, Dick’s body half on him. They tangled in each other like a lazy mess, with Jason’s wide shoulder pillowing Dick’s messy head. Dick watched the clothes pooled down on the floor, and laughed to himself. Post-orgasm cuddle, he always enjoyed post-orgasm cuddles._

_Jason huffed. “What? You don’t think I can do it?”_

_“Nah, I believe you can do it.” His words were honest, he knew Jason was good, had heard him play enough to know he was beyond good. All he needed was a chance to prove himself._

_“You deserve to be on stage, showing what you can do to the world.” Dick could imagine Jason and his crimson guitar in the light, burning himself to the crowd._

_Jason laughed, his hand wormed down his waist and pulled him in closer. They laid flush to each other, and Dick felt every beat of Jason’s heart through the heat of his skin._

_“You and your sugar tongue.” Jason chuckled._

_“I wonder what you would do then?”_

_“I don’t know,” He sighed, the cigarette in his mouth, he didn’t light it. He knew Dick didn’t like it when he smoked inside. “Playing music, writing songs, going places,” He shrugged. “Anything. The life of an artist is an adventure.”_

_No, the life of an artist was a selfless life, where their partner was no one but their passion._

 

Dick closed the door, where behind it Roy and Jason were bickering over the next track again. He wondered what had brought the memory back and wondered why it would matter now.

_“I wonder why it feels this way._

_I always know you’re special, but I didn’t know you’re special in that way.”_

Dick repeated the lines Jason had made him sing and couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. Four years together, he never knew Jason could even write things like that.

 

* * *

 

 

They were eating when the call came. Dick ignored it and continued eating. By the third call he ran out of patience and went to shut off his phone, throwing it all the way in the corner near their wardrobe. When he got back, his appetite had gone, and they spent minutes awkwardly staring down at the dishes like they had done something wrong.

After what felt like an eternity, Jason broke the silence. “Was it Bruce?”

Dick’s eyes went the size of saucers, the fork in his hand dropped down to the table. “Wha… what did you say?”

Jason felt something snap in him. He didn’t know why but watching Dick’s horrorified expression made him flop back to the chair tiredly and sighed. Anger bubbled down in the bottom of his stomach, Jason wondered why he always got angry this easily.

“Was it Bruce, your foster father?”

Dick swallowed. He looked like he wanted to bail. Jason suddenly feared he couldn’t stop him if Dick actually bailed.

“When did you find out?”

“Roy told me some time ago.”

Dick inhaled like he was about to implode, turning away and muttering to himself. “Damn Roy.”

Before Jason could said anything, Dick shot out of his seat and slowly walked away like he had seen a ghost.

“I need to talk to him.” He said, voice barely making it out of his throat. He needed to kill Roy, and send his body back to Ollie so his soul could never rest. 10 years of knowing each other, he didn’t think the brief time Jason and Roy knew each other could overcome their bond enough for him to spill everything out like that to Jason.

He didn’t make it anywhere near to door when a strong hand caught him, grabbed on his wrist and snatched him back in sheer strength.

“Is it true?” Jason asked, voice shaking like he couldn’t even process what he was saying. “The billionaire, you’re the Bruce Wayne’s adopted son?”

Dick paled, every muscle tensed. Jason felt him struggle against his grip, so he tightened it. “Damn it, answer me Dick. Is it true? Did your parents fall to their death? Did Wayne ruin you? Did you really run away?”

 _Tell me. Lie to me. Anything._ Jason wasn’t aware he sounded so desperate, until the thought ran across his mind. 

_Let me in._

“It’s none of your business.”

For a moment his heart stopped. Jason felt his breath being pulled away when Dick faced him with stone cold eyes.

Dick thought he had it good, until Jason suddenly slammed him to a wall, palm spread out behind his head, protecting him from the hit. Even in his blinding anger he still… Dick laughed and wished he had missed it because now he wanted to cry. It was things like this, things Jason did that kept Dick from falling out of this feeling, pulling him in this twisted life.

“I told you everything. Everything!” Jason screamed, punching the spot besides Dick’s head, making him flinch.

He felt betrayed. His past, the painful memories of his mom and dad, his time on the streets, experiences that had carved into the mind of an innocent child now turned into scars that brought nightmares, his studies and his dreams, his music and his insecurities, he shared it all with Dick, poured it all out like a mad man because … what the hell had Dick done to him?

After four years Dick knew everything about him, and after four years he still knew nothing about Dick.

His chest hurt, Jason didn’t know it could hurt like this. Dick’s eyes turned glassy, the eyes that haunted his days and soothed him to sleep at night, now foggy and shining just like the ocean’s surface. This was the first time he saw Dick cry, and Jason suddenly realized, his tears hurt him too.

“Does it matter?” Dick whispered, sniffing while looking away. “We’re gonna part anyway.”

Jason suddenly felt cold. His fingers went numb, and he told himself over and over he must have heard it wrong.

“What did you just say?”

Dick laughed, half at the situation and half at his stupid self. It shouldn’t be this way, but again, was there any other way?

“I’ll be leaving to Singapore.”

Jason stopped his breathing and felt everything else go silent. “What… what?”

“A university in Singapore gave me a full scholarship for their graduate program. I’ll be studying my master’s degree there, and after that … a partner corporation has already promised me a position.”

No.

Stop.

Jason felt the floor spinning beneath his feet. His mind suddenly went hazy.

“You’re joking.”

“I never joke when it’s about my future.” Dick turned back and looked at Jason. Tears rolled out of his eyes, but he felt like this was the one and last time. “It wasn’t a rushed decision. The proposal was made and I signed up for it a year ago.”

“A year…” Jason sputtered, feet stumbling back.

A year. A whole year. What the hell had he missed? What the hell hadn’t Dick told him? They were just right there lying on the bed every day, screwing each other, cooking for each other, bickering over who should choose the next vinyl, chatting on every train they took to the university, listening to whatever shit Jason played on his guitar.

For four years that was how things had always been, on that bed where their boundaries blurred, on that couch where tender moments were molded with care, in that kitchen where Jason’s coffee machine sat, right next to Dick’s box of chamomile tea, and by that window, where Jason always had to hang his head out to have a decent smoke because Dick hated the smell of cigarettes inside their place.

In this one-room apartment where their memories were planted, the fruits and flowers bloomed only for them to miss it all.

“Don’t go.” Jason whispered. “Please… You can’t do this.”

This was the first time Jason begged. He had never done that before, but now in front of Dick, the words rolled off of his tongue like a flood, rushed and desperate.

Dick bit his lip and laughed. He knew this would come, knew Jason would get mad and furious, knew even with how much he had prepared himself it would still hurt just like a bullet to the chest, a knife through the heart or maybe just simply as the rain pouring down Gotham’s dirty streets, washing over every life wandering down the pavement below their apartment.

Maybe this was how things should always be, four years, one room, and one one-sided love he would bring along with the rest of their memories.

They were never meant to last. In this space, their den, a place where two men shared space, time, food, and occasionally pleasure. They lived like a couple, and pretended not to be one.

 

“Dick…” Jason’s voice broke. He couldn’t see through the frown his eyes had weighed down, could only feel the hands Dick put on his cheek, his hair. Those sapphire eyes, the sunset sky Jason always liked, glittered with liquid diamonds now spilling out and rolling off his face.

“I love you.” Dick whispered, and watched Jason freeze.

“You‒”

He didn’t wait for a reply though, didn’t even have the courage to expect one. So he just pull him closer, smashing them together, until there was no space left, even with how close they had been earlier.

 _This was dangerous_ , Dick thought. This might change everything they had spent years to build, but from here there wouldn’t be anything left to change anymore.

This wasn’t the first time they kissed, through time they had learned how to play further to feel better. But this time, this time when Dick’s lips pushed against his, soft and full and warm like the rest of his body, beautiful, elegant, so damn addictive but so damn sad, it felt just like the first time.

They had slept with each other countless time, but tonight, tonight as they stripped off clothing and their skin lingered on each other, it was as if they saw each other naked for the first time.

 

* * *

 

 

_I remembered the first time I saw you, eyes of the sapphire sky and lips grinning at me. I remembered you looked like a Christmas dream, beautiful and shiny like a radiant sun._

_I remembered when we first moved in, you lived like a mess and ate like a dying man. You worked all night and then you slept all morning. You liked chamomile tea with honey because it eased your always stressful mind, you liked yoga because without even saying it, I knew it helped you link a part of this reality to your past. You hated cigarette because you believed the ones who smoked did not treasure their lives, you ate cereal for two meals a day if I didn’t watch you carefully, not because you enjoyed the taste but because you didn’t have time to take care of yourself._

_I remembered the face you made when you looked at the rain, the way you held my hand and let me heal, the way you slept when you didn’t make a sound and curled yourself into a tight ball. I remembered regretting seeing you as a sun because no, you weren’t a sun, you had always been a moon, radiant in the dark, but just as beautiful and sad._

_I remembered watching you choose our track, the way you danced next to our 30-year-old record player, the way you curled next by my side, or the time when you slept to the sound of the music I played. I remembered you smelled like flower and tea, like the one you drank, and sometimes like the rain of this city, the city we both shouldn’t love but still we did._

_And I remembered everything of you, watching you sleep or staring at your laughter, all I could think of was fuck, I was so in trouble._

 

They spent all day lying on the bed, the pillows on the ground and all that was left was them pillowing on each other’s skin. They both knew they were skipping class, both knew sooner or later they would have to get up and leave this bed.

Outside, the rain was pouring again. Gotham didn’t have seasons, this city carried feelings like the rest of its people, with its mood switching and changing and the weather was just telling them that the city was sad again.

It was dark, close to evening but no, it was noon. There was light, weak and dying, trying to punch through the thick clouds and failing. Through the open window, the sky cried. Inside here, they both wished for time to die.

“We should get to class.”

_No, we should stay. I want to hold you, and make you stay._

 

The station was crowded because of the rain. They stood close to each other, hand in hand for the first time, waiting for the train to come. This was where they met, coincidentally, like any passenger of the trains.

Who would have thought that this was where they grew their cancerous love.

 

“Finish that song,” Dick said, eyes looking ahead when Jason’s hand tightened on his. They both pretended like they were waiting for the train. “Finish your song, and win that interview.” Dick turned to Jason and smiled, lips lifted like they weighed a thousand pounds. “I know you signed up for your favorite band’s audition next month, I know you’ll get it.”

 _Don’t… please_. Jason bit his lip and felt his vision blur as he caught each word, felt them cutting him to pieces.

“You’ll be big and you’ll go places, writing songs, playing music. Your music.”

 _My music has always been about you_.

He needed to say those words, but didn’t know how. Before his words could punch their way out, the train had already arrived. People poured out and people poured in. In the rushing crowd, he held onto Dick’s hand, didn’t dare to grip too tight because Dick would get hurt, but at the same time, he didn’t dare to let go.

Their space loosened, step by step, Dick was just right there but it felt like miles away.

“Live your dream, Jason.”  

The door started to close, and Dick’s hand slipped out of his grip. Sheer strength and willpower, next to Dick, Jason had always felt helpless.  

“Dick?” Jason froze, looking down at his hand to find it empty.

Outside, through the glass of the door, Dick was smiling at him. Those sapphire eyes, they shined again like diamonds in the sky.

“Dick! No no no!!!” Jason pushed people aside, punching on the door. “Open the door. Open the fucking door!”

People whispered, children cried, and the train started to leave. Just a door away, Dick mouth with a tearful smile. “Goodbye.”

Jason punched on the door, screaming broken sounds, begging for a painful miracle.

“Dick, please… ”

He didn’t get to say it. He didn’t get to say it.

“I love you.”

When his knees hit the floor and his tears poured out like a broken tap, he repeated again and again, until his throat broke, until nothing came out but choked sobs and broken sentences. “I love you… ”

People were still talking, children were still screaming, outside, Dick faded away and the train led them to each other, pulling Jason into the dark tunnel.

 

Right here at this station, on this train, they first met, and right here at this station, on this train, they parted.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Four years of a cancerous love, one undesirable, but inseparable relationship._

_One studio with no walls and one bed, your crimson red guitar by the couch, a pack of Camels on the table, open and half empty._

_A messed-up bed with pillows for three persons but barely used._

_A record player played in the corner, second-handed and 30 years old, but still worked perfectly fine._

_One bookshelf full of vinyl and your sheet music._

_In the kitchen, I did my yoga, and you played your music._

_One chamomile tea and honey for me and one black coffee for you, pure black because the sun was still out, and you liked it bitter._

_One unfinished song, and stories of your past and dreams._

_The day I left this place, this den where two of us shared space, time, food, and occasionally pleasure, I left the door open. And along the luggage I carried, laid carefully the memories we grew in this place, our space, and the love I had for you._

 

**Author's Note:**

> P/S: please do enjoy [Suitcase-Matthew Koma](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEyXuH68DUQ) after reading.  
> ❤  
> Hey there, I hope you enjoyed this. Just here to remind you that no matter what's happening in your life, you're a beautiful soul and deserve all the best!  
> You can also find me at [here](http://moonfox281.tumblr.com/) . I take prompt and write stupid quotes as well, so if you want to make friend or have something to ask, be my guest. Have a lovely day ;)


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